god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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