i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
