I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
