My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize