Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
