i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
