I want to have your abortion
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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