btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
