Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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