Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
