And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
