you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize