The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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