true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
