So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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