I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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