You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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