did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
