I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i think i have two assholes
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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