Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize