Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
