he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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