1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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