I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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