this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
