Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
