i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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