You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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