He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
