wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
