It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
