My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
