so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
