You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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