my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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