Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
