shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize