I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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