i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
