"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
