just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
