totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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