I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We have so much sex to catch up on
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
