She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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