I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is classic penis vs brain.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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