I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
