I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
