Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
