he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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