Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my being single is dangerous.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
