I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
