i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize