I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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