oh god the rape fog is back!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
