are you so shy because you have an std?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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