i jhust puked up my retainher.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
