cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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