By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
