There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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