My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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