Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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