We won't sleep together?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
