the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
