Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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