dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
home. puking in laundry basket.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
