I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
