i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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