Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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