Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
