eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
